Fall is definitely here, and a favorite fall festival is just around the corner — Halloween.
Halloween 2020 will have to look much different than in years past, and for good reason. The Centers for Disease Control has a helpful page on its website (https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/daily-life-coping/holidays.html#halloween) that lists lower, moderate and higher risk activities. One event that we will all miss this year is the traditional trick-or-treating, where treats are handed to children who go door to door, but I do hope all kids still dress up in their costumes and perhaps have a virtual Halloween costume contest.
Some costumes are so creative, and when one sees them the only appropriate response is a broad smile. And others make you ask, “Who are you?”
While that is a fun question to ask when a trick-or-treater is at your front door, asking that about oneself is a vital question periodically to ask ourselves — “Who am I?”
The pastor had scheduled a visit with members of the congregation. When he arrived at their home, he was greeted by their grandson, who looked him up and down and then asked, “Are you the creature?” and then turned to his grandmother and asked, “Grandma, is this the creature?” It appears there had been a conversation about the preacher’s visit before his arrival. Somehow, I think the little boy was disappointed.
Who are you? Who am I? Creature or preacher? Or …
Who am I? What I have discovered is that most often we do not ask this question until a time of crisis of one nature or the other occurs. I have learned that mid-life itself can be the crisis that forces us to ask that question, who am I? For others the crisis that forces the asking of this question may be graduating from high school, the loss of a job, the death of a dream, the end of a marriage, the death of a parent or retirement itself. Who am I?
Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a German Lutheran pastor who was arrested and imprisoned for two years for his part in the Officers’ Plot to assassinate Adolf Hitler. He eventually died on the Nazi gallows in April 1945. From prison on July 9, 1944, he wrote to Eberhard Bethge, a very good friend of his, and it is a haunting poem that asks this crisis-induced question.
Who am I? They often tell me
I would step from my cell’s confinement
Calmly, cheerfully, firmly,
Like a squire from his country-house.
Who am I? They often tell me
I would talk to my warders
Freely and friendly and clearly,
As though it were mine to command.
Who am I? They also tell me
I would bear the days of misfortune
Equably, smilingly, proudly,
Like one accustomed to win.
Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I know of myself,
Restless and longing and sick,
Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today, and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling? …
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Who am I? It is the question that Dietrich Bonhoeffer asked in the midst of his prison-induced crisis.
Well, today is a day of crisis as we find ourselves trying to survive this current COVID-19 crisis. And perhaps this is a good time to ask that question. Who am I?
With all of our rises and falls, success and failures, professions of faithfulness and denials, perseverance and feebleness, and struggles and laziness, this lonely question — Who am I? — mocks and hounds us.
Bonhoeffer concluded his poem with these words.
Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today, and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?…
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, thou knowest, O God, I am thine.
This is a good word for us this week as we continue to struggle with living faithfully during this crisis. We are God’s!
